San Francisco Residents Want Their Bay Back

If you reside outside New Zealand, you would be forgiven for thinking that The America’s Cup is some sort of brassiere store specialising in supportive undergarments for plus sized women, but in fact, it has a lot less to do with boobs, and much more to do with sea men.

The former would actually be a far more practical use of $30m of tax payer money, than subsidising a vessel that the rest of the world sees as the Emirates Airlines boat. Well, that would be the case, if the rest of the world was actually the slightest bit interested in the America’s Cup. Ironically, the race is not even being broadcast on TV in America (after all, the majority of the American population have not seen the sea). I have nothing against people sailing a boat and even racing them, but when a whole nation is suddenly unable to discuss any other topic, it becomes a bit of an epidemic. I am honestly surprised at how quickly everyday New Zealanders have jumped on the bandwagon and find themselves addicted to the coverage, which fortunately for them is broadcast on every TV channel and radio station in this country it would seem. Although, one positive side effect of this, was that every morning last week, my morning commute time has been significantly shorter as people remain at home to watch a boat in the water – a scene that we could see at any of our many ports around the nation.

But I am secretly hoping that the race continues to be postponed due to weather (because, you know, you don’t want to run the risk of getting wet when you’re in the ocean) so that I can enjoy a much quicker commute time, but one must spare a thought for the residents of San Francisco who just want their bay back. I have heard that the Californian people are planning an uprising if the bay has not been returned by Tuesday with one man saying “Every morning, I come here, and I see that big Emirates boat. And to be honest, it has put me off flying Emirates. The fact that the boat nearly capsized gives me no faith that they won’t attempt to fly their planes at such angles, or land in the Hudson or something.” When asked what he thought of New Zealand as a result, he said “I don’t know what New Zealand has to do with the Emirates boat. But I certainly won’t be flying Emirates to get there.”

John Key could not be reached for comment as someone tried to phone when the America’s Cup was on, but it was expected that he would be happy with the $30m invested by the govt in the America’s Cup to reduce congestion on our cities’ roads in peak time.

There is increasing pressure for the race to wrap up by Tuesday, as media crews are to be dispatched to Norway as a New Zealander has been rumoured to be entering a tiddlywinks competition there. The government has pledged as much taxpayer money as is needed to ensure that New Zealand’s tiddlywinks set is superior to that of the Norwegians.

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